Get some! Or give. Giving is good too.
What if I love you, baby? Continue reading Nintendon’t Do Me Like That!
This is how bad hentai starts… Come to think of it, this is also how good hentai starts…
Continue reading A Brief Interlude: “Octoprobably Not…”
Good evening Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Grab A Buddy Monday. I’m going to start this off with a question. Without actually looking it up, do you know what trade the Mario brothers are in? Give up? They are plumbers. Unless you count them doing down pipes, they haven’t done much plumbing in the Mushroom Kingdom over the past 30 years. Today, I think that it’s time for them to get back to their roots. Alright, you guys know the drill, grab your buddy, hook up your NES, and it’s time to play Mario Bros.
In this game Mario and Luigi are sent to investigate the sewers of New York after reports of strange creatures being down there. Wait a damn minute, they better not be talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Splinter! Actually, the creatures that they are talking about are Shellcreapers, that look like turtles, Sidesteppers, that look like crabs, Fighter Flies, that are oversized house flies, and Slipice, that looks like a small, fast moving iceberg with a face. Those that are unfamiliar with this game, (I don’t know how, since this has been used as a mini game in other Mario Bros games) you might be tempted to jump on the head of these creatures, and for that you would be wrong, and dead. You would first jump up, hit the platform underneath the creature, to flip it on its back, then you have to get up onto that platform, and run into the creature, kicking it off the platform and killing it.
Gameplay is really simple, and anyone can pick up the controller and play. The game is broken down into phases. During each phase, a certain amount of creatures will appear to try and kill you. Your job it to clear out all if the creatures, and move on to the next phase. One you get to the last creature, it will change color, and move faster than normal. The Slipice doesn’t count as one of the creatures that you have to get rid of, since it is there mostly to freeze a platform, to make it harder for you to move on. So, it is quite possible to clear a phase, while having a Slipice still onscreen. Every so often a fireball will appear, and try to take you out, so watch out for that. If you are having trouble hitting the platforms to flip the creatures, there is a POW block there to help you out.
This game is a classic, and a lot of fun. You and you buddy will have fun either trying to work together and seeing what phase you two can get to, or just being dicks to each other, and seeing how fast you can get your buddy killed, and how long it will take before real life punches are thrown. Either way, it is definitely worth looking for, and playing. If you can’t get your hands on a physical copy, it should be on the Nintendo’s virtual console. Until next time Painkillers.
Captain Pain approves this post!!!
Welcome my lovely Painkillers! Another Friday is here, and since we are still in November, it means another post for No Save November. So to recap, I covered a great game in Golden Axe, an extremely hard game in The Revenge of the Shinobi, and a what the fuck game in Metal Gear. Now it seems like a good time to bust out another classic game, let’s talk about River City Ransom.
This classic NES game can best be described as an action role playing beat ’em up. You play as either Alex or Ryan, high school students that have to make their way through River City, and make it the high school to defeat a villain named Slick, and to rescue Ryan’s girlfriend Cyndi. Along the way you cross into different gang’s territories. You take them out, and the gang’s leaders act as boss fights.
Overall this is a great game. The moment and fighting are really well done. The weapon selection throughout the game is good. My favorite weapon in the game are gang members. Yes, you read that correctly. Just like the other weapons that you can pick up and throw, or hold to beat down the enemies, you can do the same thing with a gang member in your hands. Once you defeat an enemy, they will drop money, that you can use to buy items to increase your stats, and to improve your fighting skills.
The big issue with this game, is that it becomes one big grinding session. Since most enemies tend to drop only a few cents to a dollar at most,and the gang leaders tend to drop a bit more, you find yourself leaving an area, just to go right back into it, to beat down the gang leader so you can get more cash quickly. You start off with $20, and it’s helpful for grabbing a cup a tea or a hamburger, but it doesn’t mean crap when two of the basics combat books are $26 and change. Happy grinding.
Just like the other games that have been writing about for No Save November, this game doesn’t use a save feature, even though it should. Instead it uses a password feature. Like most of these passwords, it is long and annoying.
OK quick rant, Zelda came out in 1986, and they figured out how to save, and it works really well. Hell, I can go to my grandmother’s house now pop in the game, and play a save file on it from the late 80’s or early 90s. So I don’t know why any NES game that came out after 1986 doesn’t have that or any other save function, that is not this password bullshit is beyond me. Fuck the Chairman, for making me relive all this bullshit, and Fuck No Save November!
Captain Pain approves this post!!!
Happy Friday my little Painkillers. Are you excited for the weekend? No, why not? Nothing to do Eh? Well then, you’re lucky that it is still No Save November, because you my friend are about to sit down and enjoy a long classic game. So go warm up your NES, cause it’s time to play the original Metal Gear.
That’s right, the OG Metal Gear. You play as Foxhound rookie, Solid Snake, yep before he became the legend that we all know and love. This is the famous mission that we all heard about, but many didn’t get the chance to experience. The mission, infiltrate Outer Heaven, and destroy Metal Gear. Seems simple enough right, ha!
The gameplay is okay, but sometimes Snake feels a bit hard to control at some points. Many of the screens look the same, so it is very easy to get lost, so you definitely need to pay attention. Getting into the back of the truck, could mess you up as well, since some trucks will move to a different location. I’m so glad that the games for the PS1 and beyond fixed the door card system. I don’t know how many times I was either shot to death or crushed to death by a rolling log, because I kept switching through the key cards, since I had no idea which card worked for what door.
The rank system was a good and bad thing. How it works is, when you rescue five hostages, you go up one in rank, the max is four. Your rank affects your health and carrying capacity, so the higher your rank, the more health and ammo you have. Now here is the kicker, if you accidentally kill a hostage, you drop down in rank, which in turn, lowers your health and carrying capacity. This can fuck you in the later parts of the game, cause you might not have enough health or ammo to beat some of the bosses to continue.
This version of the game doesn’t have a normal save function, like other versions, instead it uses a password system. Depending on the password that you put in, the game will start you off at a certain location, health, gear, and rank. But let’s face it, the password system is nothing more than cheat codes. Hell there is currently a website out there where you can select your rank, items you have, and a bunch of other things, and it will generate a working password for you. I’m not going to give you the site, I think that it will be more fun for you guys to find it yourselves. Happy hunting Painkillers, and until next time.
Captain Pain approves this post!!!
So this morning, I find myself standing outside of work. It’s about 10:30 AM and I’m taking a ten minute break to get some nicotine into my system. Out of a mixture of boredom and curiousity, I pull my phone out and decide to check the website and lo’ what do I see?
Continue reading Get Your Vengeance On
Saving in Shatterhand? You’re better off shattering your hand.
Continue reading When A Problem Comes Along You Must Shatter It!
Something’s a little off… Anyway~ With your Friday winding down, I thought we’d take another jaunt through the past with an embodiment of pure frustration. I of course am referring to the digital debut of four green, heroes on-the-half shell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Continue reading Super Raphael Brothers!
By the time this post drops, the World Series will either be over, or we will be getting ready for game 6 on Tuesday night. Either way, spring training is a ways away, but don’t worry, Captain Pain is here with a game to wipe away your winter blues. So once again, hook up the NES and grab a buddy, cause it’s time to play some Bad News Baseball!
This is a very simple and fun game to play. It doesn’t have the MLB licence, but the 12 teams that you can choose from, wear colors similar to MLB teams that they are from. ( The 12 teams are Boston, Atlanta, Detroit, Chicago, Minnesota, Los Angeles, Oakland, New York, Texas, St Louis, Toronto, and San Francisco.) The rosters are made up of imaginary kids. There is a cool feature called girls mode, where it takes the 12 teams and changes the rosters to all girl teams. Unfortunately, there is a trick to get into girls mode (hold down and left on controller 1 and hold up on controller 2 and hit the reset button), and I don’t know how to do it on an emulator,or if it will work on there.
If you’ve played a baseball games on the NES, Bad News Baseball plays just about the same as the other, but what makes this stand out are the animations, and the fact that the umpires are pink rabbits. They put on some good details into the animations showing the frustration of the batter striking out, and banging the bat on the ground, the pain showed by the batter when they get hit by a pitch, and the cut scenes to show plays at the bases were really good as well. It was always funny making an out, and seeing the base runner suddenly laying on the ground, and seeing stars floating around their head, as if you literally knocked them out. This also happened to the basemen as well, if they didn’t catch the incoming throw, and I guess it hit them in the head, and knocked them out for a few seconds. Hitting an home run, also gave some good animations to watch, but I always wondered who that guy was sleeping in the dugout, and why the hell is Mr T at the end of the high five line?
From my experience playing this game with either a friend or a family member, every game went exactly the same way. One player would be dominated the first few innings, and the other player would then either make a complete comeback, or blow it due to some silly play at the plate, or just completely missing the ball altogether. If you have played this game, and had a similar experience playing with a friend, or a completely different experience, let me know in the comments. For those of you that have never played this game, do yourself a favor, get your hands on a copy, and play ball!
Captain Pain approves this post!!!