All posts by Captain Pain

Gamer, sports fan, wrestling mark, anime and movie nut,father, and writer. Anything else you want to know, just ask.

Headaches, Hassles And Horse shit!

(The life of a first time video game writer!)

*So just a heads up, there may be a lot of drug and alcohol references in this, it is all done in fun, since writing this game, has been a bit stressful, and I’m doing this to blow off some steam. If things like that bother you, please come back next week for my normal post for Grab A Buddy Monday, and Anime Wednesday, or check out what the Chairman has posted. Thanks! *
Continue reading Headaches, Hassles And Horse shit!

Ass Dancing His Way Into Our Hearts

Good evening Painkillers, welcome to another addition of Anime Wednesday. Today I have something special for you. As some of you may know, I am a father, and many of you out there are parents as well. I can truly say that I am so happy that none of my kids act like the little bastard that I’m going to talk about, and I hope that your kids don’t act like this kid as well. So, let’s dive right into possibly the series with the most amount of episodes so far, here is Shin Chan. Now before I begin, yes I know that this series has many more episodes, then the 76 that I’m talking about, but I’m focusing on the first three seasons of the show, since those are the ones that originally came to the states. Guess that all they could bring over without getting heat from parent advocate groups. Also, I using the names that I know from the English dubbed version that hit America, so if there is a name that you don’t recognize, it might be because of a name change in your area.

Shin Chan follows the journey of the Nohara family, but mostly the five year old boy of the family. There is Mitzi, the mom, Hiro the father, Hima the baby, Whitey the dog, and of course Shin. Mitzi is 29 years old and a stay at home mom. She takes care of the house and her family. Unfortunately, she is usually the butt of Shin’s fat and old jokes. Hiro is 35 years old and is your basic salaryman from Japan. He is a loving father, and devoted husband. Like most couples he and Mitzi do have their minor conflicts, even though Mitzi is known to throw down here and there to get her way. Hiro loves nothing more than to come home after work, and have a cold beer. Hima is pretty much a baby in the show, but like most babies in other animated shows, she is way smarter than she should be. She has an attraction to shiny objects, and knows how to turn on the charm when needed. Whitey is the loyal fluffy white pup of the family. He is a beloved member of the family, but unfortunately he is neglected, thanks to the family being forgetful. He is very intelligent, so he is capable of taking care of himself. Finally, there is Shin……… Oh boy!

Shin is the 5 year old badass of the family. He has a smart mouth, and loves to show his ass, and I literally do mean that, hence the title of this article. Also, let’s not forget about Mr Elephant, yes we are talking about Shin’s cock and balls. He likes to whip it out as well. Ugh, thank God that this show aired on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim lineup, and is currently on Hulu, otherwise people might think that I was writing about kiddie porn or something.

Anyway, Shin goes to an American style school, and the kids that are in his class are no better than Shin, well at least they keep their clothes on. His friends consist of a girl from a rich family that is madly in love with Shin. A girl which seems to comes from an abusive family, that take out her frustration on a stuffed bunny that she keeps in her…… nope, not saying it! If you saw the show before you already know, if not just watch and see for yourself. As for the the boys, one is extremely timid, one is mentally challenged, and usually has snot hanging from his non existing nose, and the other is a conservative that comes from a middle class family. I really don’t know how this school stays open, with the crap that comes out of the kids mouths, and with the teachers and principle being completely out there.

When Shin is not at school, hanging out with his friends playing odd games, you can find him at home watching his favorite superhero show Action Bastard. Yes, you read that right, along with his young side kick Lollipop they tell bad sex puns, and take on super villains such as The Deflowerer. No wonder why the kids in this show are all fucked up, Action Bastard is the or one of the top shows on TV. Shin also spends his time hitting on older women that he finds attractive, especially one of his mother’s friends.

This show is funny and fucked up! All the characters bring something to the table that will make you laugh, and wonder what the writers were thinking. I know that the show is still going on in Japan, and I wish that the States get all of episodes one day. So wish that we could have gotten the espoides from the beginning, and not somewhere in the middle like we currently have. Like I said earlier, the show is currently on Hulu if you want to check it out, but do yourself a favor and not watch it around small children. Otherwise, they may start acting like Shin, and no one wants that. If you do, you will be spending most espoides explaining why Shin is wrong for doing that, and why they shouldn’t do what they just saw. Until next time Painkillers!

 

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Before They Were Super

Good evening Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Grab A Buddy Monday. I’m going to start this off with a question. Without actually looking it up, do you know what trade the Mario brothers are in? Give up? They are plumbers. Unless you count them doing down pipes, they haven’t done much plumbing in the Mushroom Kingdom over the past 30 years. Today, I think that it’s time for them to get back to their roots. Alright, you guys know the drill, grab your buddy, hook up your NES, and it’s time to play Mario Bros.

In this game Mario and Luigi are sent to investigate the sewers of New York after reports of strange creatures being down there. Wait a damn minute, they better not be talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Splinter! Actually, the creatures that they are talking about are Shellcreapers, that look like turtles, Sidesteppers, that look like crabs, Fighter Flies, that are oversized house flies, and Slipice, that looks like a small, fast moving iceberg with a face. Those that are unfamiliar with this game, (I don’t know how, since this has been used as a mini game in other Mario Bros games) you might be tempted to jump on the head of these creatures, and for that you would be wrong, and dead. You would first jump up, hit the platform underneath the creature, to flip it on its back, then you have to get up onto that platform, and run into the creature, kicking it off the platform and killing it.

Gameplay is really simple, and anyone can pick up the controller and play. The game is broken down into phases. During each phase, a certain amount of creatures will appear to try and kill you. Your job it to clear out all if the creatures, and move on to the next phase. One you get to the last creature, it will change color, and move faster than normal. The Slipice doesn’t count as one of the creatures that you have to get rid of, since it is there mostly to freeze a platform, to make it harder for you to move on. So, it is quite possible to clear a phase, while having a Slipice still onscreen. Every so often a fireball will appear, and try to take you out, so watch out for that. If you are having trouble hitting the platforms to flip the creatures, there is a POW block there to help you out.

This game is a classic, and a lot of fun. You and you buddy will have fun either trying to work together and seeing what phase you two can get to, or just being dicks to each other, and seeing how fast you can get your buddy killed, and how long it will take before real life punches are thrown. Either way, it is definitely worth looking for, and playing. If you can’t get your hands on a physical copy, it should be on the Nintendo’s virtual console. Until next time Painkillers.

 

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No Master Needed!!!

Good morning to all my Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Anime Wednesday. Today’s addition is a good one. Many of us have grew up on one or maybe even all of the different Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Whether it was the original series from the 80’s, or even the latest series that aired on Nickelodeon, we all sat down and enjoy the show. The same can be said for Power Rangers. The franchise has been around for 25 years, and still going strong with different themes almost every season. So what does this tell us? That we like shows that the heroes are martial artists that wear different color outfits, for quickly telling the heroes apart, that take on and defeat evil within 30 minutes. So you may be asking yourself, what does all of this has to do with the today’s anime series? Well this show follows the same outline like the TMNT and the Rangers, but many of you might have easily looked pasted this show growing up. Well then, let’s get into it, it’s time to talk about Ronin Warriors.

This 39 episode show debuted in Japan in 1988, but didn’t land on Cartoon Network in the US until 1999 on their Toonami lineup. Trying to explain the plot of the show can be a bit umm, windbagish, so I’m going to try my best to give you the cliff notes. A demon named Talpa ruled the human world, until a warrior mage and his loyal white tiger defeated him. The mage knew that Talpa was too powerful to be truly defeated, and might return, so his splits Talpa’s armor into nine different armors, and gave them to nine different families to protect. He was right, cause about 600 years later Talpa returned. He found found four of them, and turned those weak hearted men to his army. The remaining five families the men dawn the armor and come together to take down Talpa.

Our five heroes are Ryo Sanada, Sage Date, Cye Mouri, Kento Rei Fang, and Rowen Hashiba. Ryo Sanada is the leader of the group. He fights along side a large white tiger named White Blaze. Sage is a master swordsman and is the noblest of all the Ronin. Cye is a quiet warrior, and the calmest. Kento is the strongest of the warriors. He also tends to be hotheaded and rushes into battle. (Damn, that sounds familiar!) Finally there is Rowen, and he is the smartest of the Ronin. (That also sounds familiar)

Normally this would be the part, where I tell you how good the show is, where you can find it, and how you should see it as soon as possible. OK, so yeah this is a damn good show, that’s why I’m writing about it. Yes you should go find the show, and experience it for yourself. Unfortunately, I can’t give you a site or an app to see this show. I searched and searched the apps that I use, and the sites that I hit up, but the apps didn’t have it, and the sites didn’t have all of the episodes. The best that I can tell you, is to watch it on YouTube. Someone did put the whole series up, but it’s a crappy quality, guess to avoid copyright infringement. If you guys know where we could find a better copy of the show, please share with us in the comments below. Let’s see how many people comment a link to an online shop to buy the DVD /Blu-ray set. Lol. Until next time Painkillers.

 

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How To Blow Something AND Someone Up

Good morning Leaguers and my loyal Painkillers, and welcome to another Grab A Buddy Monday. Today, I have something good for you, cause you won’t be grabbing just one buddy, instead you will be grabbing three. With that being said, you probably already know what system I’ll be telling you to hook up later. For now, did you ever want to be a cute, yet very destructive person? If so, well now is your chance. So let’s get the ball rolling. Grab your buddies, hook up your Nintendo 64, and it’s time to play some BomberMan 64.

Normally this is where I will tell you about the single player part of the game, but I’m not going to do that this time. It’s not that I don’t like the single player mode, it’s a great game. My issue is, you are playing a platform game, and you can’t jump or swim, so I rather just stick with the multi player mode. The one thing that I will say is that there are gold cards to collect, and they unlock different maps to play in the multi player mode.

In the multi player mode you choose which BomberMan you want to be. They are all the same sprite, just different color palettes. Once the game starts, you and your buddies try to blow each other up, until there is one left standing to win the round. First player to win three rounds, wins the game. In the game you can pick up, throw, and kick bombs at your opponents. In previous games you needed powerups you do those things, so it’s refreshing that you don’t need them to do that this time around. Speaking of powerups, you can find them, by blowing up parts of the environment on the map. Powerups are usually hearts to take more that one hit, bombs that allows you to drop more than one bomb at a time, and a flame that allows you explosions to be larger. Another cool feature is that you can pump up your bombs. This allows you to make your bomb bigger before you drop or throw it. The thing is, once your pumped up bomb hits the ground, it can not be picked up or kicked, so make sure that you are certain where you want this bomb to go.

This is a very fun game, single and multi player mode. If you can’t find a copy for the N64, or an emulator copy, there should be one up on the Nintendo store. Find yourself a copy and enjoy. Until next time Painkillers!

 

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Girl With The Living Sheath

Good morning Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Anime Wednesday. Today I have a treat for you, but first a few questions. What would you do if you live in a world, where dueling with swords was still a thing? What if you had a special sword, that was drawn from a living sheath? How would you treat this living sheath? Well maybe this anime will answer some questions, so let’s dive into Revolutionary Girl Utena.

The show starts off following the main character, Utena Tenjou. At a young age, she was impressed by a very kind prince, that she decided to become a prince herself. Now as a teenager, she attends the Ohtori Academy. She is most known in the school, as a tomboy, since she doesn’t wear the normal female uniform, but a uniform that looks more masculine. While at the school she meets fellow classmate Anthy Himemiya. She is currently in an abusive relationship with another classmate. Determined to be like the prince she meet years ago, and to defend Anthy’s honor, Utena challenges Anthy’s boyfriend, and beats him in a sword duel.

Utena didn’t know and didn’t understand at the time that beating him in a duel, meant that Anthy now belonged to her. Anthy is known as the Rose Bride. She holds a special sword that is wielded by the person she is “engaged” to. Utena must now enter duel after duel to not only protect Anthy from people that want to hurt her, but to also keep the power that she has safe.

This 39 espoide series is a true classic. The show goes through four different story arcs, which is very odd for a series this short, but not only does this show pulls it off, they do it really well. The first arc sets up the relationship between Utena and Anthy, so by the time the fourth arc comes in at the end, makes what happens a complete surprise. The way the duels are set up are really interesting, since most of the time we are used to seeing/hearing duels to the death, unless its a card game. This is definitely a must watch show, which I rewatched recently on an app called Tubi TV. It’s free, so you have to watch some ads, but this show is worth it. Until next time Painkillers.

 

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Road Rage At Its Finest

Good morning Leaguers and my loyal Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Grab a Buddy Monday. For today’s game, it’s time to let out some of that pent up anger that you and your buddy have for one another. Did you ever want to pull out a club or a chain, and use it to knock your friend off a speeding motorcycle? If so, then I have the perfect game for you. So it’s time to grab your buddy, hook up your Genesis, and it’s time to play Road Rash 2.

Some of you might be asking, “Why the hell is Captain Pain doing the second game in the series? He normally does the first game!”, and you are all correct for asking that. Yes I would normally do the first game, but this game has the better two player mode, and that is important to me when reviewing games for GABM, especially since that’s kind of the gimmick. In the original Road Rash, the two player mode was some turn base nonsense, that you would find in something like Super Mario Bros. That doesn’t seem suitable for a racing game, where the players want to race against each other. In the sequel, it’s split screen, and you’re allowed to play at the same time. Now back to Road Rash 2

The game came out for the Sega Genesis in 1992, and was developed by Electronic Arts, you know, back in the day when they made good games that weren’t trying to nickle and dime you with microtranactions and loot boxes. Then again, if that stuff was around back then, I wouldn’t be surprised if people would spend $1.99 a pop to try to get a pair of nunchucks or some other cool weapon. Anyway, unlike in the first game where you only race in California, this game allows you to race in Alaska, Hawaii, Tennessee, Arizona, and Vermont. There are also 15 different motorcycles to choose from.

In split screen mode, the mode that we care about, you and your buddy can race against other AI racers, or just go one on one against each other. Either way, besides battling your buddy and possibly other racers, you still have deal with traffic, and the police. Yeah just like real life, the police have an issue with speeding, and beating people with bats and other weapons to try to knock each other off bikes going 100+ mph. So yeah this game is loads of fun. Most of the end race animations are funny as hell, and try not to get knocked off your bike, it might cost you. I’d you like this game, then you should definitely check out the third one.

 

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The Original All Red Everything

Good Afternoon my Painkillers, and welcome to….. wait a minute, it’s Saturday! What the hell is going on!? I haven’t gotten up this early on a Saturday, since the time of Saturday morning cartoons. Those days are pretty much dead, since I don’t know of any local TV stations that has a block of non educational cartoons running on Saturday mornings. Networks like Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, and Nickelodeon may show cartoons, but many of those shows may not be exclusive to that Saturday morning lineup. So, I guess that it’s time for Captain Pain to give you something to watch on Saturday Mornings. Well I already give you guys a anime series to watch on Wednesdays, so what to do? I know, one Saturday a month, Captain Pain will give you an anime movie to watch. So there is nothing left to do, then to introduce you guys to Saturday Morning Movies. So, let’s start this Saturday off right with the 1988 classic Akira.

The movie opens up in 1988, with a huge explosion that completely destroys Tokyo, starting World War III. It then jumps to the year 2019 the now rebuild Neo Japan is suffering from government corruption, and high crime. The story follows Shotaro Kaneda, the hot headed leader of the Bosozoku biker gang. During a fight with their rival the Clowns, Kaneda’s best friend, and Bosozoku member Tetsuo Shima is seriously injured when he crashes his motorcycle into a psychic that just escaped from a secret government laboratory.

Tetsuo is taken to a hospital to recover, when he starts to develop headaches. He later realizes that he now has psychic powers, powers that he has a hard time controlling. Shotaro takes it upon himself to help and protect his best friend. This leads them on an adventure in which the secret government wants to capture Tetsuo to experiment on him, the police that want to find Tetsuo and kill him, and Shotaro trying to make sure that his best friend controls his new powers, so that he doesn’t kill them, or the world with those powers.

This movie is one of the best animated movies to come out of the 80s, and that’s saying a lot, since Disney was pretty much cranking out hit after hit, and anything that wasn’t a Disney animated movie sucked. The story is a sci-fi masterpiece that pulls you in from beginning to end. Most drawing styles from that era tend not to hold up in this time period, but this movie still looks amazing and beautiful. There is not much more I could say about this movie, without spoiling it for you guys, so all I can say is to go out, and experience this movie for yourself. I recently rewatched this movie on Hulu, but I know that it is on many different streaming services, so there is no excuse why you don’t make time and watch this movie. Until next time Painkillers.

 

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‘BMF’ From The Black And White Era

Good evening Leaguers and Painkillers, and welcome to another addition of Anime Wednesday. There has been a lot of talk about mecha and giant robots here on Anime Wednesday, and today we will be doing the same. This time we are taken back to the age of black and white, and odd angles. Let’s jump into Gigantor!

Now before I even start, there is a rumor about this show that I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I rather just clear the air about it, since some readers may know about it. The rumor is that Gigantor was created as an anti American cartoon, and had to be seriously edited before it hit the States and the rest of the world. Now this may be true, since this was created right after World War II, and all of Japan was probably still pissed about America dropping two nukes on them, and losing the war. It also makes sense that it says that Gigantor was created to be a weapon, but was reprogrammed to now be a guardian of peace. Again I have no idea if this is true or not, but it does seem like a very interesting discussion to have. If you know any info about if this is true or not, or just want to share your thoughts, leave a comment down below.

The show is set in the year 2000, and follows a 12 year old boy name Jimmy Sparks. His father is the creator of Gigantor. Jimmy is the one that actually controllers Gigantor with a special remote control. That can be a bad thing, since whoever has the remote, controls Gigantor. Together, Jimmy and Gigantor travel around the world fighting crime, and other forces of evil.

This show may seem a bit odd for someone that has grew up on more mondern cartoons and animes, but trust me it’s a odd show no matter what. You can clearly see how far drawing styles have come from the 50s-60s up to now. I still don’t get some of the crazy camera angles, it’s like the animation team was drunk while drawing some of shows. I don’t want to even get into the the voice acting. If you saw any of the old Godzilla or martial arts movies from the 80s you already know how it is. Overall this is a good show, and I definitely recommend everyone should try to watch this. It’s currently only Hulu now.

 

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