Release the hounds…
Hey guys, Captain Pain here! I’m just going to get right into this, and say right upfront fuck WCW Backstage Assault! Do you know where EA started their shit, right here with this fucking bullshit game! Oh my God, this game was shit. You ever hear about a game where they thought of the concept, started making the game, realised that the game won’t sell, so they slap a licenced title on it to help sell this shit? This is one of those games.
So what is wrong with this game you may ask. Well, first off it’s a wrestling game, that if you figured out by the title, there is no fucking wrestling ring to be found in this game. Every match, if you want to call them matches, take place in backstage arenas. So they figured that the game needed areas in an arena, but not a motherfucking wrestling ring?!
The matches are called by the leader of Slapdick Nation Tony Schiavone, and the late great Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. I swear to you, hearing these two in this game is the best part of this game. I just feel sorry that they had to try to make game sound interesting, just like they had to do with WCW television and PPVs around this time. Then again, Tony Schiavone did say on his podcast that EA paid him well, so I don’t feel to bad for him, but no one can convince me otherwise that this game didn’t give Bobby Heenan throat cancer.
Now let’s get into the roster. You start off with many of your favorite WCW wrestlers such as Booker T, Goldberg, Hulk Hogan, and many others. And then you get to unlock other wrestlers such as Bret Hart, Scott Hall, Rey Mysterio Jr……..hold the fuck up. Rey Mysterio!? For those that don’t know, Rey Mysterio is Mister Lucha for the past 20+ years in wrestling. What he lacks in size, he makes up in speed and agility, and using every part of the ring to his advantage. So knowing that most of his moves require use of a ring, why the fuck would you put him in a game, where there is no fucking wrestling ring? What the fuck was EA thinking, oh I forgot they weren’t. Nothing against Rey, I like him, I just feel that he would be used better in a wrestling game, that you know had fucking wrestling ring in it.
This game is horrible. It was a waste of a print. Somehow it sold 200,000 copies. Thats 200,000 people that need to get a refund, and Major Gunns to give them all a hand job and a tit fuck! This shit was on the PlayStation, and the Nintendo 64. The PS2 version was cancelled, so we were spared from that mess. Its on Amazon, and you can get the copy you want just by clicking on the console you want it for above. My question is is why would you want this shit though? Alright, I’m Captain Pain…
And fuck this fucking game!