The PC Master Race

Do not attempt to adjust your screen…SNERD is in control now.

Alright, you half-baked Mega-Twerps, so you wanna hear about the A-MAZE-ING console wars? PFFT – ain’t NOTHING amazing about consoles. I’m the SNERDAPERDS, and I’m going to bring you the most important and longest lasting piece of gaming entertainment technology in the history of electronic gaming – the Personal Computer.

-Epic picture as if badguy from Saturday morning children’s cartoon about gaming-

So – I know that your precious The Chairman told you that the Magnavox Odyssey was the first video game system… and technically, he’s right if you consider being wrong correct. Because while sure, your 1972 Magnavox machine could plug into the television, but ALL the way back in 1950 we had Bertie the Brain, it was one of the first game playing machines ever developed, but, I’m not even going to consider it a computer game, because it technically didn’t use a screen. Yeah, I’m going to give you guys two whole years of freedom from the first actual AI opponent to the first computer game. In 1952, the Ferranti Mark 1 computer had a game developed by Christopher Strachey transcribed onto it. Originally, he wrote it for the Pilot Automatic Computing Engine at the National Physical Laboratory in the UK, but, he filled up the memory on the system with the code, which made it run slowly. When he met Alan Turing, and plugged it into the Ferranti Mark 1, however, he could finally play the game at a decent pace. This was on a basic CRT screen, so… that’s about when I’d consider the first computer game being made, 1952.

Ah, but, we’re not talking about computer games, we’re talking about Personal Computers, am I right? Well, in that case, I suppose that 1972 is pretty early for consoles, seeing how the first personal computers didn’t come out until 1975. Sure, people had their own computers before that, but, this isn’t a history lesson here, just run with me, let’s go with “Adventure” made in 1976 as kind of the first “mainstream” game, and Microchess – being first sold in 1977 – selling 50,000 copies on cassette tape as really the beginning of the PC master race, just for ease of comparison.

By the time of the Video game crash of 1983, the personal computer had solidified itself in a sort of permanently useful state, systems such as the Commodore 64 were bastions of gaming while the filthy console peasants below wept into their ET cartridges.

So… technically first, but, we’ll let consoles have it because PCs weren’t really PCs back when they started making games.

Anyway, more reasons PC is better than Console:

A PC will almost always have more processing power. Better resolution, higher framerates, ect. I mean… consoles are bragging about 60 frames per second last generation… I’ve been playing counter-strike at 60 FPS since the year 2000.

With no centralized control, my personal computer costs less to build for, there’s almost no problems at all with backward compatibility, and there are plenty more people developing games for it. It’s basically an open market, and the beneficiary is me.

I don’t even have to pay for the ability to play multiplayer games on top of paying for my internet connection!

Sure, there are disadvantages to this system, cheaters, hackers, people just hacking your computer, getting distracted by pornography so you’re playing less games, accidentally deleting your sys32 file and your whole computer goes to garbage, but… know your PC and don’t be a scrub!

Sales: Basically, when it comes to the PC, everybody’s trying to give away their games for free. I don’t mean go and pirate them, I just mean… everybody is putting everything on sale so often you’re not really required to ever pay full price for something if you’re okay with waiting a little while. Sure, some games never drop in price, but, you just don’t play them then, right? ’cause you’re a cheapo? Well, that’s totally a viable option. You can also just… wait 4 years and then not have to upgrade your computer with top tier nonsense that’s going to drop in price next year. Honestly though, about 400 bucks’ll get you something faster than your latest and greatest console, and you can check your email and watch dirty movies on it when you’re not gaming. Also, the monitor is WAY bigger than your phone’s screen, so, bonuses.

Finally, another important thing to remember: MODDING!

Modding has been around forever. Counter-Strike was made in 1999 by some guy who really liked half-life. Now it’s a huge e-sport and everybody loves it… wait, used to love it, because now they’re playing DOTA clones… oh, yeah, DOTA, another mod, but this time, a mod of Warcraft 3. And… we know about the whole Battle Royale genre, like, Fortnight and PUBG? Those are also inspired by PlayerUnknown’s Battle Royale, a mod for Arma 3. By the way, Arma also inspired DayZ, and, while that whole game didn’t really pan out (or hasn’t yet, anyway), I’d say it was a pretty good selling game, even if it didn’t make everybody happy. (Sidebar: If you bitch about DayZ and you’ve played 400+ hours of it, you’ve gotten your money’s worth, ya scum!

Mods really make the world go ’round, but, they even are just useful for making Skyrim not boring. Anyway, overall, PC is better.

The number 1 reason I enjoy a dedicated gaming PC over using a console is as simple as this, though: Heritage. I know – heritage is the whole buzz word for a bunch of racist hee-haw cousin touchers and their confederate flag statues and what not, but, in the realm of gaming, the personal computer home entertainment center is king because it’s always been. There’s no new player on the scene, there’s no weak generation… because there aren’t any generations. It’s not, “What?! Playstation 5?! Already?!” it’s… “Yeah, I got some more RAM because I wanted to get some.” or, “the new video cards are pretty sick, and if I want to play the new ________ I might need to invest in one.” But, you aren’t going to have to just up and buy a whole system to keep up with your friends. It’s… just a matter of the slow crawl to the next milestone.

All in all, joking aside, consoles are great. You go give 400 bucks to some major corporation, smile and shell out 60 bucks a game and then pay another fee to just… turn on multiplayer, and you deal with the majority of the exploitive, cash-grabby nonsense companies, (don’t worry PC, they’re coming, if Fortnite is any indication) all the while you’re unable to get a cheap, quick fix for the crash to desktop problem because official patches take forever but some guy just threw together a quick mod on the PC version. So, you go ahead and keep your consoles, I’ll stay here with the PC Master Race… where the only thing we don’t get are delightful, wonderful Nintendo games. Seriously… I haven’t played a new Zelda since… Majora’s Mask, but hey, console exclusives suck compared to PC exclusives!~

Heeeyooooooooooooooooo!

 

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