What The Hell Happened? Part 1: Breath Of Failure

God damn you Capcom..

Greetings, Leaguelettes~ It is I! Your humble Chairman~

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And welcome to the first part of  a new series I’ve cooked up titled: “What The Hell Happened?”. Wherein I discuss a myriad of fantastic titles that have sadly become the victims of:

  • Jumping the Shark: Developers reducing a franchise into naught but a shell of its former self. Usually by act of a back-asswards story arc or complete detatchment from what made ya fall in love with it to begin with…
  • The Broken Promise: A game who was so cherished, that fans worldwide would wait with baited breath for the sequal that never came… Ala’ Legends of Dragoon.
  • The Bait n’ Switch: Juicy multiplayer madness, endless galaxies full of wonder and cookie cutter nonsense tailored to tease and entice the ENTIRETY of electronic entertainment!

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    Whew…How’s THAT for alliteration?

And last but certainly not least–

  • General Buffoonery: Essentially anything Electronic Arts has done in the last five years…

So sit back, put down the synthetic, phallic simulating stimulator and buckle up~

 

First in the spotlight is a franchise beloved to me since I was a but a tot. Capcom’s Breath of Fire.

Originally launched on the Super Nintendo in 1993, this rather run of the mill JRPG would become one of my favorites. I’d recieved it as a birthday present that year if memory serves me correctly..

At the time, I was enthralled by all things medieval. And nothing more so embodied that than dragons! Infact– my first experience with this heroic lifestyle was from none other than Dragon Warrior (Dragon Quest in Japan) for the NES about five years prior.

Those of you aware of the title will know that slaying the scaled critters’ is your top priority. So you can imagine my surprise when I first popped in that fresh, matte plastic cartridge into the tobacco stained hull of my mothers SNES to behold:

 

I had become what once I hunted. And it, my friends– was good..

In the game, you assume the role of protagonist; Ryu, one of the last remaining members of the Light Dragon clan who still holds the power to transform.

After the Dark Dragon clan’s army lays waste to his home town, he embarks on a quest to save his sister, who was abducted while trying to defend the village.

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Need a broom there, champ?

Along the way, there are enough twists in the plot to make M. Night jelly, but I shant spoil it for you further..

The bottom line is, it delivered an interesting story while putting the power of a mythilogical titan at your fingertips.

A beast, mind; that once served as a final boss for many us previously!

 

There would be another installment of the series released on the SNES. I remember not playing it until the age of emulators, thanks to the hefty $69.99 pricetag it carried for its December ’95 debut.

My mother laughed at me, if memory serves…

At any rate– my experience with the series would not again continue until I was in 6th grade. Ahh yes– the age of the Sony Playstation. The baddest beast around at the time.

And lo’ to my surprise– a classmate held aloft a gleaming jewel case that brought a tear to my eye…

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Fellow RPG nerds: A change of underpants can be found near any and all trash receptacles.

THE crowning achievement of the series. Breath of Fire III sent chills down every bit of my spine, in ALL the right ways.

And some of the wrong…

It suffered a bit from pacing, I won’t lie. But you can tell there was a lot of love put into every delicious pixel.

I’ll be glazing over Breath of Fire IV, as it was an odd mix of the third and second installments in the series that resulted in… well…

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guess that counts as a dragon…

But really– I skip over IV, so that I may discuss the far more divisive Dragon Quarter.

Ahh yes, Breath of Fire’s induction to the world of full 3D.

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What a nightmare…

Your amazing powers? Yaknow– the ones you’ve come to adore from the very first time you played the series back in the early nineties? Yah– theres a strict limit on that, friends.

Use them too much and you’re dead. Game over– start from last save. OR~

Start from the beginning of the game instead, keep some of your crap but lose every ounce of story progress you’ve made.

Gameplay that favors repeating the same content over and over..trying to force replayability out itself.

Change can be good. I’m not opposed to it mind you… But reinvention should not breed self-destruction.

Yet that is exactly what we find in the case of my peronal hate baby…

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This shitty mobile game

Thats right folks. A crappy mobile MMO that’s already closed it’s doors as of the 27th of September, 2017.

What the hell happened, Capcom?

By the time I even learned the damned thing existed, it had closed. Because it was awful.

Why are companies so quick to turn their ‘tertiary properties’ into the item-mall based wannabe cash-cows that litter platforms such as Steam, Google Play, etc. etc.

It’s pitiful. It’s disgraceful. It’s…

It’s fuckin’ sad Leaguelettes.

Join us next time for something equally as depressing.

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Hooray!

We’re Adjourned~

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