Devils Advocate

Since everyone is writing for Halloween, im writing against Halloween. Fuck yeah, Im a rebel! So everybody is talking about how good horror games are, Im basically about to dump on them. But before i do that lets do my orgin story muthafuckas!

I’ve been playing games since i turned 4. I remeber my first game, which was Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past, very fondly because I played it several times to this day. From that day I’ve been hooked evey since. Fighting, Shooting, RPG, Puzzle, and Simulation games on every system from the NES to the Dreamcast have been my forte.

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That is until i played a little game called Resident Evil for the Playstation. I said on that day “Fuck that shit.” I hate being scared. I fucking hate it. My heart is beating fast, im sweating, and my butthole is tighting up. Who enjoys this?!? Who likes being weak and powerless while a demon is behind you? Who likes being chased by an unstoppable murderer and you cant fight back? Who likes playing a game that you can’t win?

Now dont get me wrong, i like games that challenge you. I like games that you have a chance to stop the evil and not just run from it. Games like Five Nights at Freddys and Slender where the point to just survive is just dumb to me. I play games to escape reality and overcome obstacles, not sit in the corner and wait for the bad guy to come kill me. Thats not a game, thats just giving yourself anxiety.

Now Ive grown and overcame my fear from the Resident Evil 1 and have played many since that time. My favorite so far is Dying Light. Theres something about dropkicking a zombie from a 10 story building thats kinda cool as fuck. But hey thats just me, the rambling of a stoner who bought The Last Of Us and returned it without finishing it…TWICE!

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In my defense, those Clickers are scary as shit!

To sum it up, millions of people play horror games since they have become more complex. Millions of people watch horror movies every year. So in my head, millions of people like their buthole tightning.

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